Queen of Pain

xbleederx @ 2004-11-30T23:48:00

2004-12-01T07:48:48Z

There's a reason why I shut myself off from people.
There's a reason why I intimidate people.
There's a reason why I am so outspoken about my beliefs and feelings.
There's a reason why I keep myself so busy all the time.
There's a reason why I am trying to push you away.

Now someone just needs to tell me why I don't want to, and why it's so hard.

Of all the boys in the world.

fucking bored!

2004-04-07T08:40:28Z

xFIRSTSx
SCREEN NAME: vologirl11
PIERCING/TATOO: rose and music note on my back
CREDIT CARD: visa
MAKEOUT SESSION: thanksgiving, sophomore year
REAL GIRLFRIEND: pat
TRUE LOVE: not even
BEST FRIEND: first best friends were vanessa, ebonie, tierra and maggie throughout elementary school. then alex in italy. then desiree, christina, and ryan ansley here.
ENEMY: hm. never really had one til recently. so i guess i'd say carrie baker hahahah.
CONCERT: brandy! 2nd grade.
CAR ACCIDENT: never been in one
BROKEN BONE: none
STITCHES: my chin, when i was five. fell off monkey bars.

xLASTSx
LONG CAR RIDE: san diego to la.
KISS: personal.
LIBRARY BOOK: sexual politics- the creation of a homosexual subculture in america. for a history paper. totally interesting too.
MOVIE: amelie
MOVIE IN THE THEATER: eternal sunshine
FOOD CONSUMED: baked ruffles
PHONE CALL: ryan
CD PLAYED: maroon 5
ANNOYANCE: ugh. you.
SODA: none today.
ICE CREAM: none today.
TIME SCOLDED: nothing recently.
WEBSITE VISITED: LJ duh.
TIME YOU CRIED: havnt in months.
TIME YOU LAUGHED: talking to ryan

xI...x
I AM: drinking apple juice
I WANT: to move out of the dorms
I HAVE: to wake up early
I WISH: i were rich
I HATE: being let down
I FEAR: nothing!
I HEAR: maroon 5
I WONDER: when my laundry will be done
I LOVE: desiree, christina, and ryan
I ACHE: always
I ALWAYS: am silly
I AM NOT: conscious
I DANCE: almost never
I CRY: almost never
I AM NOT ALWAYS: perfect
I WRITE: alot of nothingness
I LOSE: very rarely
I CONFUSE: my mom
I SHOULD: be sleeping

xYES or NOx
YOU KEEP A DIARY: not besides lj
YOU LIKE TO COOK: when its for someone i love
YOU HAVE A SECRET YOU HAVE NOT SHARED WITH ANYONE: i dont think so
HAVE A CRUSH: kinda
ARE IN LOVE: no
WANT TO GET MARRIED: not right now
WANT CHILDREN: later on, definitely
DO YOU GET MOTION SICKNESS: no
THINK YOURE A HEALTH FREAK: sometimes
GET ALONG WITH YOUR PARENTS: always
LIKE THUNDERSTORMS: totally

xCURRENTx
HAIR COLOR: light reddish brown.
EYE COLOR: brown
HAIRSTYLE: shoulder length. boring.
SHIRT: jack daniels hoodie
PANTS: sdhs gym shorts
SOCKS: none
SHOES: none
MAKEUP: hahah DUH always
MUSIC: maroon 5, for the third fucking time
WEATHER: chilly
TIME: 1:35am
MOOD: tired

xFAVORITESx
NUMBER: 26
COLOR: turquoise
DAY: wednesdays and saturdays
MONTH: october and december
SONG: anything alkaline trio
MOVIE: clueless
SEASON: fall
DRINK: all juices, water, anything yummy.
MEAL: mashed potatoes!
FLOWER: yellow roses with pink tips. or crimson roses.
HOLIDAY: st patricks day. drinking!
QUOTE: "at least we're still friends, at least we're still alive"

xPREFERENCESx
CUDDLE OR MAKE OUT: cuddle
CHOCOLATE MILK, OR HOT CHOCOLATE: depends
MILK, DARK OR WHITE CHOCOLATE: dark
RAIN OR SUN: rain
TOP OR BOTTOM: top
TV OR MOVIE: depends
DAY OR NIGHT: night
DVD or VHS: dvd
FLUFFY PILLOW OR HARD PILLOW: fluffy
TAN OR WHITE: white
TALL OR SHORT: tall
TALK OR LISTEN: talk
LEAD OR FOLLOW: lead

xIN THE LAST 24 HRS, HAVE YOUx
CRIED: no
HELPED SOMEONE: all day long
BOUGHT SOMETHING: yea
GOTTEN SICK: no
GONE TO THE MOVIES: nope
GONE OUT FOR DINNER: no
SAID "I love you": no
WRITTEN A REAL LETTER: no
TALKED TO AN EX: yeah
MISSED AN EX: no
WRITTEN IN A JOURNAL: this one
HAD A SERIOUS TALK: no
MISSED SOMEONE: yes
HUGGED SOMEONE: yes
FOUGHT WITH A FRIEND: no
BRUSHED YOUR TEETH: yes
TAKEN A SHOWER: yes

xWOULD YOU EVERx
EAT A BUG: ehhhh sketchy
BUNGEE JUMP: yes
KILL SOMEONE: hahaha, dont tempt me
PARACHUTE: yes
WALK ON HOT COALS: nah. i dont like hot things.
GO OUT W/ SOMEONE FOR THEIR LOOKS: nah
BE A VEGETARIAN: have been
WEAR PLAID W/ STRIPES: hahah never!
KISS A GIRL: yes
KISS A BOY: yes
IM A STRANGER: yes
SING KARAOKE: yes
GET DRUNK: would l?! bring on the jack.
SMOKE A CIGERETTE: yeah
SMOKE WEED: nah
GO TO A STRIP CLUB: sure
SHOPLIFT: nah
RUN A RED LIGHT:nah
BE IN A PORNO: nah
DYE YOUR HAIR BLUE: nah
BE ON SURVIVOR: nah
WEAR MAKEUP IN PUBLIC: dont i always>?
NOT WEAR MAKEUP IN PUBLIC: NO WAY
CHEAT ON A TEST: haha if i were desperate
MAKE SOMEONE CRY: i would rather not
DATE SOMEONE MORE THAN 10 YEARS OLDER THAN YOU: doubtful
DATE YOUR BEST FRIEND: maybe
STAY UP ALL NIGHT: always

gay survey stolen from ryan

2004-04-06T01:20:00Z

1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, find line 4.
"... what she will say to me. I am far too frightened to call..."

2: Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What do you touch first?
apple juice

3: What is the last thing you watched on TV?
vh1 was on earlier when my roommate was here

4: WITHOUT LOOKING, guess what time it is:
6:10

5: Now look at the clock, what is the actual time?
6:06

6: With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
It's on random. Hope Con, Maroon 5, Spice Girls, and Atmosphere have all played in the time I've done this survey.

7: When did you last step outside? what were you doing?
Just got back from walking to the dining hall for dinner

8: Before you came to this website, what did you look at?
myspace

9: What are you wearing?
jeans, black shoes, teal and black shirt, black alkaline trio necklace, teal headband and makeup

10: Did you dream last night?
about your mom

11: When did you last laugh?
when my friend told me about her headcase roommate spraying fruit punch all over her shit before moving out

12: What is on the walls of the room you are in?
lAudrey Hepburn, HIM, Alkaline Trio, Midtown, JEW, glassjaw, bouncing souls, AFI, thrice, Misfits, Andrew WK, and pictures of friends.

13: Seen anything weird lately?
your face

14: What is the last film you saw?
amelie

16: If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy first?
pay off my parents' debt, pay for my school, find a place to live, take a few close friends with me to europe.

17: Tell me something about you that I don't know
ive never been in love

18: If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?
redistribute the world's wealth

19: Do you like to dance?
no

20: George Bush: is he really doing Dick Cheney?
who cares.

21a: Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?:
carter

21b: Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?:
jordan

22: Would you ever consider living abroad?:
consider? i plan on it.

You're not much, but you're all I got

2004-03-19T10:16:12Z

Konstantine. Big. whatever.
Not going anywhere.
Not this time.

this song is forever about you

2004-03-16T03:22:27Z

Soon ends our stay here and it's been fun
So tonight I'll raise my glass to us
'cause we've talked so much
I think we filled this ashtray twice, and I'm pretty sure
we emptied every bottle in the place, so
Let's walk home, let's be afraid
I wanna grab you by the arms and kiss you so hard
Let's do it right under the streetlight
I want it now, somehow I forgot how

Way to go, way to go
Forgot you've got so far to go
Way to go, way to go
Forgot you've got so far to go

I heard everybody's voice cut out when you spoke
And I watched all the lights go dim
when your eyes opened
Well I can't believe you showed up, what do I do now?
It's last call, time to go
But before we say goodnight

Let's walk home, let's be afraid
I wanna grab you by the arms and kiss you so hard
Let's do it right under the streetlight
I want it now, somehow I forgot how

Way to go, way to go
Forgot you've got so far to go

Its forgetting a feeling and finding it again, by accident.

2004-03-13T09:23:18Z

Cut the skin to the bone
fall asleep all alone
hear your voice in the dark
lose myself in your eyes
choke my voice say goodnight
as the world falls apart

Fuck I can't let this kill me, let go
I need some more time to fix this

I'm talking to the ceiling
my life just lost all meaning
do one thing for me tonight
I'm dying in this silence

The last star left in heaven
is falling down to earth and
do you still feel the same way

xbleederx @ 2004-03-07T19:16:00

2004-03-08T03:16:12Z

i took the 405 and drilled a stake down into your center, and stated that it's never ever been better than this. i hung my favorite shirt on the floorbaord, wrinkled up from pulling pushing tasting.
you keep twisting the truth that keeps me thrown askew.
misguided by the 405 'cause it lead me to an alcoholic summer. i missed the exit to your parents' house hours ago. red wine and the cigarettes: hide your bad habits underneath the patio.

my konstantine.

2004-02-03T09:52:21Z

Its to dying in anothers arms, and why i had to try.. its to jimmy eat world and those nights in my car, when the first star you see may not be a star.

two songs that spill into each other.. and into my life.
It pinpoints my uncertainty of time.. deciding its time.. letting go, and being happy.
I just can't help but try to stop myself from feeling these days.. I just have so much going on. I don't want to hurt him, and I can't help but learn to feel more and more each day with him. and yet I still pull away. Why?
If I dont let myself be happy now then when? I feel the butterflies. But I don't want to. I can't bring myself to let go, but I can't let myself pull away either.
We all need a little more room to love. No one's cared about me like this. Why am I so petrified? I can't handle thinking about the future. What am I doing?

The first star I see may not be a star.
We can't do a thing but wait.
So let's wait for one more.
The time such clumsy time in deciding if it's time.
I'm careful but not sure how it goes.
You can loose yourself in your courage.
The mindless comfort grows when I'm alone with my 'great' plans.
This is what she says gets her through it:
"If I don't let myself by happy now then when?"
If not now when?
When the time we have now ends.
When the big hand goes round again.
Can you still feel the butterflies?
Can you still hear the last goodnight?
Close my eyes and believe wherever you are, an angel for me.

I'm not your star.

life, love, but no regret<3

2004-01-14T08:12:51Z

to me:

Well some things never change...
You'll never see this face again,
I'm out sleeping with the stars in the shallow end.
'Life' ('love') is just a word I don't want to say,
I don't care if tomorrow is a new day.
I'll write the song again,
How about the one who thought life wasn't his friend?
Why would he want the words to be shared?
When no one listens, and no one cares.
I'd skip this fucking song
if you don't want to know whats fucking wrong.
Did you hear my acceptance speech?
I quit. I quit. i fucking quit."
You don't want to know why i can't quite talk.
You don't want to know what makes my heart stop.
You wrote my requiem
with no words, no life, just desperation.
There's no truth like the lie I live
I'm a sinking ship drowning by a burning bridge.
There's no cure for the "Dreamer's Disease"
I'm a boat of false hope, lost at sea.
Today, tonight, tomorrow,
I am truly by myself.

to you:

FUCK. A great word for a great world.
Like each clue, just not getting through.
I spoke to you in yawns,
with sweaty palms.
All the kids swearing forever,
and the they're gone...
Nobody's got style like us
And we could be friends
like before I was crazy...
Before I met ~~her~~,
before I went lazy...
FUCK THESE MEMORIES...

and you:

Whatever this becomes
Whatever words I say
We are the fortunate ones...
And when the days are done
I won't forget
All I see in you and me
Is a light in the dark of humanity
And when the days are done
I won't forget
Timid steps - come walk with me
And with your useless words
Come talk to me
There are broken hearts
Now on your stereo
But the broken beats are just too slow
You'll cry - it doesn't change a thing
Kill the lights - and let the rain fall
Recall - the memories
Of yesterdays and better ways
And know - the innocence is gone...
Move on - from this day on
We'll never be the same...
The saddest songs
Make sense to me...
So with your sunken eyes
Come talk to me
Two hour drives
Are two hours alone
But two hour drives
Are better than home
You'll die - it doesn't change a thing
You will - kill the lights
And let the rain fall - recall
The memories of yesterdays
And better ways
And know - the innocence is gone...
Move on - from this day on
We'll never be the same...
Faster words - and faster kids
Faster songs - and faster ends
The one thing that's stayed the same...
I've lived through days
I've lived through nights
I've had my loves
I've had my fights
You gotta know - you have my heart

and finally, you

Addicted to monotonous crush
I even dropped out of school
To catch up on sleep
Take the train for hours
And then try to forget
Where you left your heart
Read the free form poem
To your locked door
Then I swept those fucks
Under the cement floor
If you find them
They were never mine
If you don't - well - nevermind
Porcelain hope...
Why do you always break on me?
(It all makes no sense to me)
Porcelain hope...
Why do you always break on me?
I set the alarm to remind myself
That I spent the day by myself
This is my story - love...
Day one to now...
Background music to a silent film
You see - the curtains falling down...
I helped this city burn to the ground
They said it tried to make amends
But I never heard a sound
Porcelain hope...
You're not much, but you're all I got
Porcelain hope...
You're not much, but you're all I got

lastly- to US

This is the soundtrack
To saying goodbye
We are making out
With desperate days
So turn the volume up high
(You love it)
God bless repeat - play nights
Heartbreaks and fights
And all the pretty kids
With the tired tired eyes
Sitting out parties
To be with your headphones
Reciting your last words
And writing your last notes
This is the soundtrack
To saying goodbye
For feeling cold like December
In the middle of July (so fuck it)
We are dead flowers
And pocket change - me
Forcing smiles - so tragic baby
We are the depressed
Future heartbreakers
And this is how we sound
Sometimes I just want to fade away
With no goodbyes - or anything
I slept right through the yesterdays
'Cause everybody was in my way
This is the soundtrack
To saying goodbye
We are dropping coins
Into dead payphones
To hear the sound of our voice
Just to know we're alone
And it's beyond me
Why people couldn't see
We were the true meaning of beauty
Hhumming "love"
With stiches in our hands
So young, I broke a wall with my hand
That broke a heart with a pen
So young, I was singing
"Love" in my head
And if you know what I know
Then you know that love is dead
We were born just to fade away
With no goodbyes - or anything
We slept right through the yesterdays
'Cause everybody was in our way
Goodbye my loves
You can have my heart
This is volume three of our tragedy

boredom

2003-12-31T10:03:07Z

1) Using band names, spell out your name:

Reggie and the Full Effect
Alkaline Trio
Coheed and Cambria
Him
Every Time I Die
LTL

Jimmy Eat World
Oingo Boingo
Hot Rod Cicuit
New Found Glory
Social D
Thrice
Over my dead body
Norma Jean

2) Have you ever had a song written about you? not that i know of
3) What song makes you cry?
4) What song makes you happy? anything Alkaline Trio
5) What do you like to listen to before bed? usually John Mayer or something soft
6) Name a song by Coal Chamber: errrrr?
7) Who was/were your idol/s when you were younger? my mom, cyndi lauper, the spice girls?
8) First album you ever bought? boyz 2 men
9) Name a song that reminds you of someone and why:

a p p e a r a n c e
HEIGHT: 5'10
HAIR COLOR: brown and blonde
SKIN COLOR:paaaale
EYE COLOR: brown
PIERCINGS: nope
TATTOOS: 3

r i g h t n o w
WHAT COLOR PANTS ARE YOU WEARING?: my rad AE jeans
WHAT SONG ARE YOU LISTENING TO?: baby bash/frankie j- suga suga
WHAT TASTE IS IN YOUR MOUTH?: empty
WHAT'S THE WEATHER LIKE?: colddddddd
HOW ARE YOU? anxious

d o y o u
GET MOTION SICKNESS?: not usually
HAVE A BAD HABIT?: i swear like a fucking sailor
GET ALONG WITH YOUR PARENTS?: definitely
LIKE TO DRIVE?: defintiely

f a v o r i t e s
TV SHOW: sex and the city
CONDITIONER: bed head
BOOK: dont have one at the moment
MAGAZINE: anything interesting?
NON-ALCOHOLIC DRINK: root beer
ALCOHOLIC DRINK: jack danielssssssss
THING TO DO ON THE WEEKEND: be with people i love and have FUN
BAND OR GROUP or SINGER or RAPPER: ALKALINE TRIO

h a v e y o u
BROKEN THE LAW: definitely
RAN AWAY FROM HOME: naw
SNUCK OUT OF THE HOUSE: nope
EVER GONE SKINNY DIPPING: yep
MADE A PRANK PHONE CALL: hahaha no
EVER TIPPED OVER A PORTA POTTY: YES!
USED YOUR PARENTS' CREDIT CARD BEFORE: yep
SKIPPED SCHOOL BEFORE: hahah SO MANY TIMES
FELL ASLEEP IN THE SHOWER/BATH: maybe once?
BEEN IN A SCHOOL PLAY: haha not IN one, just stage managed one
LET A FRIEND CRY ON YOUR SHOULDER: of course

l o v e
BOYFRIEND: n/a
GIRLFRIEND: hahah my wifey nora
SEXUALITY: straight as fuck
CHILDREN: gimme a good 10 years or so
CURRENT CRUSH: 3 or so at the moment
BEEN IN LOVE?: nope
HAD A HARD TIME GETTING OVER SOMEONE: you could say that
BEEN HURT?: certainly
YOUR GREATEST REGRET: regrets are worthless
GONE OUT WITH A SOMEONE YOU ONLY KNEW FOR THREE DAYS: not really

r a n d o m
DO YOU HAVE A JOB: yeah
YOUR CD PLAYER HAS IN IT RIGHT NOW: blink 182 hahah
IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?: robbins egg blue
WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY?: music, my friends, my parents
WHO MAKES YOU THE HAPPIEST?: desiree, christina, alysa
WHAT'S THE NEXT CD YOU'RE GONNA GET?: hmm
WHO DO YOU CONSIDER GOOD FRIENDS?: they know who they are
WHAT DO YOU LIKE TO DO?: EAT, drive, laugh, spend money, cuddle

w h e n / w h a t w a s t h e l a s t
TIME YOU CRIED?: thanksgiving
YOU GOT A REAL LETTER?: havnt in years
YOU GOT E-MAIL: ?
THING YOU PURCHASED: food.. im a fatass
TV PROGRAM YOU WATCHED: sex and the city
MOVIE YOU SAW AT THE THEATER: cheaper by the dozen

y o u r t h o u g h t s o n
ABORTION: your choice
TEENAGE SMOKING: dont care
SPICE GIRLS: i wanted to be one
DREAMS: always possible.

I'm ready, I am

2003-11-30T05:43:12Z

im nicotine, im coming clean
i fooled the crowd when i made it sound like i was more then ready
strike up the band, deprive my sleep
cause theres no love like apathy
the bell that tolls rings loud enough that it should have woke us up
im trying to find truth in words, in rhymes, in notes, in all the things i wish id wrote
cause i feel like ive been losing you
i read your last entry
overprivelaged kids keep crying
the need to fit in is harder when living life from a screen
old classmates please drop all your pens
dont write a word cause i wont reply
and im not bitter,
no its just ive passed that point in my life
each night it ends too soon
you dont hold me like you used to
and your eyes look like theyve seen too much
its always some excuse- too tired, too obtuse
you look so far removed,
this time i fear im losing you
im nicotine im a cash machine im the colour green
and you should have seen the looks i just recieved
i need a reason to let go an intervention,
a lulluby something to cure me please believe me

in the soundtrack of my life, this would be the track for right now.
this is so hard for me.

dont wanna be the one to tell you taking me for granted was the best and worst mistake you ever made

2003-11-17T10:12:54Z

I'm tired of trying to figure you out. I just want to let you die away quietly, because you'll never be anything but unhappy. I will just live happy knowing that for a moment in time, I made you smile, and not many could do that.
You were so right, so abrupt, so new, so clean, so real, so fast, so much, so everything, so gone, so last year.
You make me want to keep my favorite things locked away in a box, so that I can selfishly cherish them and never allow them any association with the pain you bring.
And yet, it's that selfishness that pains me, because I continue to close myself off from people for fear that I might have to give up everything all over again. I refuse to give up anything else becuase of indecision.
There are certain things I won't forget, not because I miss you, but because they were too beautiful to reject from this memory that acts as a photo album. Perhaps I'll scratch your face from these virtual photos, but to strike them from my memory completely would be to deny myself one of the best and worst experiences I will ever have.
The moonlight will never hit anyone's face in quite the same way.
All I really want is to see you, and be able to tell you how I've been. To tell you that I've been great, and that I'm happy, and that all this time has let me grow so much. I just want to thank you, because without you, I would have never come to love and hate myself as much as I do now.

too bad that this is EXACTLY true about me.

2003-11-15T12:39:02Z

Your soul is bound to the Solitary Rose: The
Alone.

"When I wake up alone, the shades are still
drawn on the cold window pane so they cast
their lines on my bed and lines on my
face."

The Solitary Rose is associated with loneliness,
melancholy, and patience. It is governed by
the goddess Merope and its sign is The Sword,
or Unrequited Love.

As a Solitary Rose, you may be summed up as a
hopeless romantic. You desire love and have so
much love to give, but thing just never seem to
work out the way you want them to. In life,
you can be very optomistic, even when things
are gray and nothing works out to your
expectations.

What Rose Is Your Soul Bound To?
brought to you by Quizilla

I am turning into an episode of Sex and the City.

2003-10-29T21:45:17Z

Has love grown in complexity as the centuries have passed?
Why is it that many people married so young historically?
Generally, you married your first love very young, and procreated, and the cycle continued.
When did the dating trend start?
When did it become so hard to find that thing that we romanticize love as?
Have we created out own misery by complicating love?
The most classic stories in literature are about innocent love, often young, and although written to be pure, fall under our jaded eyes that see it as unreal (think Romeo and Juliet).
Why do we make love so hard to find, and when we find it, it gets away and we forever mourn about the "one that got away"- all because we were convinced that there was something more out there, someone better.
When did our instincts stop following our hearts, and begin following our minds? what if there isnt something more out there and we give up whats right? Do we continue to live out our miserable lives alone?

Just something to think about.

hahah im the SMART sin! woo

2003-10-22T04:59:35Z

You are Sloth!
Lazy huh ?? You're a bit slow in getting going -
and tend not to do anything unless it is
absolutely necessary. You'd rather sit around,
watch TV/Sleep then go out and about with
friends, or take part in a sporting event. On
the positive side, you tend to be quite smart,
as you spend a lot of time watching the News
(!!) or on the computer, Also by conserving
your energy, it's right there waiting for you
when it's vitally important to get going.
Consider possibly moving out of the room once in a
while - and perhaps once a week trade watching
TV for half an hour with a walk - and you'll be
back on track.
However, Congratulations on being the most
intelligent of the 7 deadly sins...

?? Which Of The Seven Deadly Sins Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla

BORED, so i stole this from Matt.

2003-10-21T01:32:44Z

Name: Rachel
Do you like it?: I guess
Nicknames: Rach
Screen names: rach till death
Birthday: October 16
Sign: Libra
Location: Los Angeles
School: UCLA
Natural hair color: light brown
Current hair color: dark brown and blonde
Eye color: brown
Height: 5'10
Birthplace: maryland
Shoe size: 10

Favorites:
Number: 6, 11, 16, 23
Color: turquoise
Day: friday
Month: october
Song: Alkaline Trio- any song
Movie: Clueless
Food: cookies and mashed potatoes
Band: ALKALINE TRIO duh
Season: fall
Sport: volleyball
Class: rock n roll
Teacher: my rock n roll prof
Drink: iced tea or pepsi
TV Show: disney shows, and friends
Store: uum. wherever.
Word: cunt, fuck, douche, ___-izzle.
Animal: kitties and puppies. haha.

Love and relationships:
Do you have a bf/gf?: nope
How long was your longest relationship?: 2 months or something
How long was your shortest relationship?: 2 months or something
Who was your first love?: never been in love
What do you miss about them?: about my ex? not much.

The past:
What is the one thing you would change about your past?: not sure..
Last thing you saw: you were the last good thing i ever saw
Last thing you said: "bye"
Who is the last person you saw?: my roommate
Who is the last person you kissed?: Matt
Who is the last person you hugged?: Matt
Who is the last person you fought with?: Chris
Who is the last person you were on the phone with?: Jimmy
What is the last TV show you saw?: uuuh. Fresh prince.
What is the last song you heard?: LTL- hometown

The present:
What are you wearing?: jack purcells, capris, black shirt, army hat
What are you doing?: sitting in my dorm
Who are you talking to?: no one
What song are you listening to?: LTL- note to self
Where are you?: my room
Are you online?: no shit
How are you feeling?: indifferent
lonely?: eh not really.
Are you in a chatroom?: nope

Future:
What day is it tomorrow?: tuesday
What are you going to do after this?: eat dinner
Who are you going to talk to? either desiree, jamie, jimmy, matt, or chris most likely
How old will you be when you graduate?: college? uum. like 22.
What do you wanna be?: teacher maybe?
What is one of your dreams?: being happy
Where will you be in 25 years?: raising a family, hopefully happy with my life.

Have you ever:
Drank?: yup
Smoked?: only cigarettes
Stolen?: hahah disneylaaannnd
Done anything illegal?: i suppose so
Wanted to die?: no
Hit someone?: hahah yeah

Other:
Do you write in cursive or print?: this weird combo of both
Are you a lefty or a righty?: righty
Any tattoos?: yea, on my back
Do you drive?: yes
Do you have glasses or braces?: glasses
Did you like this survey?: its keeping me occupied
What do you most like about your body?: nothing
How many fillings do you have?: none
Do you think you're good looking?: once in a while
Do other people often tell you that you're good-looking?: yeah

Fashion:
Do you wear a watch?: nope
How many coats and jackets do you own?: um 4 hoodies and 2 jackets
Favorite pants/skirt color?: denim
Most expensive item of clothing?: my jeans or shoes
Most treasured?: umm jeans
What kind of shoes do you wear?: jack purcells and sauconys

Random:
- Would you ever date someone younger than you? depends
- Someone older? yeah
- Have you ever smoked weed? no
- Ever been drunk? yeah
- Been in love? nope
- Loved someone who you knew you couldn't have? nope
- Gotten in a car accident? yeah
- Broken a bone? nope
- Had your heart broken? bruised and cracked.. no broken
- When was the last time you cried? probably march
- Last time you said I love you to someone: to Desiree, every day
- Last time you laughed: yesterday
- Where do you see yourself in 10 Years? more successful than most people i know
- What age do you see yourself married at? not any time soon. not for at least another 10 years
- Describe your dream wedding: something in the fall.
- Do you sleep with a stuffed animal? yeah
- If you could dye your hair one color what would it be: whatever color suits me at the time
- Do you eat chicken with fingers or with a fork? both
- Would you rather give or receive? both
- How many homes have you lived in total? 4
- Do you get along with your parents? yeah
- Whats your favorite color(s)? turquoise
- Do you work? not anymore
- Whats your favorite food(s): mashed potatoes or cookies
- Do you have braces? no
- When was the last time you went on a date? um a while ago? i dont know
- Have you ever been in serious trouble? yea
- When you meet a person of your preferred sex, you first notice their: smile, attitude, how they carry themselves
- Are you the romantic type? not really.

In the last 48 hours have you:
01. Cried: no
02. Bought something: yea
03. Gotten sick: no
04. Sang: yea
05. Eaten: yea
06. Been kissed: no
07. Felt stupid: yea
08. Wanted to tell someone you loved them, but didn't: no
09. Met someone new: some girl on my way to class
10. Moved on: no.
11. Talked to an ex: yea
12. Missed an ex: not really
13.someone you have a crush on: huh?
14. Had a serious talk: kinda
15. Missed someone: yes, my friends
16. Hugged someone: yea
17. Fought with your parents: no
18. Dreamed about someone you can't be with: no

01. Best girl friend: Desiree, Jen, Christina
02. Best guy friend: Matt I suppose
03. Boyfriend/Girlfriend: no
04. If no, current dating partner: Matt
05. Hobbies: shows, smiling, music, having fun
06. Pager: cell
07. Are you center of attention or the wallflower: depends
08. What type automobile do you drive: 95 corsica
09. What type automobile do you wish you drove: a teal tbird convertable
10. Would you rather be with friends or on a date: friends
11. Where is the best hangout: anywhere in san dizzle.
12. Do you have a job : not anymore
13. Do you attend church: not anymore
14. Do you like being around people: yes, very much so

Who:
01. Have you known the longest: my parents, my sister, maggie, oscar
02. Do you argue the most with: not many people
03. Do you always get along with: desiree
04. Is the most trustworthy: desiree
05. Makes you laugh the most: desiree
07. Has the coolest parents: ME
08. Has the coolest siblings: hahahah TONY!
09. Is the most blunt: matt and tony
10. Is the smartest: um. i guess ill second what matt said and say tony.
11. Do you believe you know the person whom you will marry at this point in time: not at all

.is the best part of your physical appearance? my eyes i guess
. What is your favorite part of your emotional being: the fact that i could give a shit about most stuff
. Are you happy with you: once in a while
. Are you happy with your life: most of the time
If you could change something in your life right now, what would it be: alot of things.

my birthday is in 8 days

2003-10-08T21:54:06Z

October

Which month are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

regrets are worthless.

2003-08-05T20:32:25Z

new tattoo.. the first of many to come.

September needs to get here already.. I need to see what awaits in LA, becuase life just seems too ordinary lately.

I need something.
...

stop sucking and GET AWESOME.

2003-07-23T08:05:09Z

my life fucking RULES.

hahahaaha. this ones funny, but not as cool as my other one.

2003-06-25T08:15:37Z

hell yea.

2003-06-19T04:25:24Z

xbleederx
Magic Number	18
Job	Porn Star
Personality	Sunshine And Blue Skies
Temperament	As High As A Very High Kite
Sexual	Straight
Likely To Win	Nothing
Me - In A Word	Ditsy
Colour
Brought to you by MemeJack

the killer is waiting right out side my door.

2003-06-10T05:12:08Z

Ryan and Bryce's episode of taildaters was on today.
it was FABULOUSLY funny. I laughed so hard, I <3 those boys.
Tomorrow I am picking up my paycheck, makeup shopping with Chris, and then ALKALINE TRIO!!
fjdkslajfk;dsafkdsajf;sadlkjfda.
that's all I have to say about that.

HAPPINESS prevails!

2003-05-27T05:42:18Z

I wish I had more to say about my life right now.
I'm just content with everything.
I feel like I'm doing everything I should be doing at this point in my life. And that's a good feeling. I've also started to care less about what people think of me, and started to accept myself a little bit more.
I mean yea, there are a few things I might want to rethink here and there, but I've told myself time and again that I will never have regrets in life because you only live once. So on that note, I will say now that I want my entire summer to be like the last few weeks. Spontaneous, adventurous, and slightly illegal. wooha! :0)

my last words of wisdom are courtesy of Piebald, who is playing here soon with THE FORMAT! raaad.

all you need are kisses to start a make out party!

xbleederx @ 2003-05-26T15:26:00

2003-05-26T22:26:22Z

I never update this thing anymore.

I love my life.

That is all <3

i love my friends. hahaha.

2003-02-28T06:16:04Z

SmashAFashionKid: fuck relationships
Strike Me Deep: basically thats what ive decided
Strike Me Deep: why even bother with it? someone always gets hurt.
SmashAFashionKid: yeah
SmashAFashionKid: thats why hook ups are the best
SmashAFashionKid: lol
Strike Me Deep: hahah DJ youre a slutttt!
SmashAFashionKid: FUCK you
SmashAFashionKid: IM not
Strike Me Deep: hahaha
Strike Me Deep: hey, you said it not me.
SmashAFashionKid: I am a BIG HUGE SLUT
Strike Me Deep: hahahahahaha
Strike Me Deep: thanks for clearing that up ;-)
SmashAFashionKid: hahah
SmashAFashionKid: you knew you wanted this at one time
Strike Me Deep: hahahahaha i did???
Strike Me Deep: thanks for telling me what i wanted ;-)
Strike Me Deep: oh yes DJ, I totally WANT you!!
SmashAFashionKid: dont lie
SmashAFashionKid: you knew you did at one time
Strike Me Deep: hahahaha

Strike Me Deep: i totally just bought the justin timberlake cd
Strike Me Deep: goddamn i'm cool ;-)
DownForTheCORE: i totally got it a while ago!
Strike Me Deep: THATS SO AWESOME!
DownForTheCORE: its freaking great isnt it
Strike Me Deep: oh my shit.. its awesome
Strike Me Deep: haha i love you!!!!
Strike Me Deep: people are making fun of me!
DownForTheCORE: anyone who says they dont like it is obviously lieing to themselves
Strike Me Deep: and you have it !!! we rule!
Strike Me Deep: TOTALLY!
DownForTheCORE: most definately

Fairystar2131: when i come back, i'm bringing some super glue to make your heart better again!!!

Happy Deathday!
Your name:	xbleederx
You will die on:	Wednesday, November 21, 2029
You will die of:	Didn't wait 30 minutes before swimming
Username:

Created by Quill